Terry’s return a.k.a. “I’m baaaaack!”.

It’s been what feels like a month since I left. It was extremely hard for me to go. My heart said “yes... we’re on our way”, but, it also said “this aint over yet, and you might not see Alina again still”. Don’t get me wrong, this is still a faith walk and I do trust in God that He brought me here, but, just because He brought me here does not mean that His plan was for THIS adoption. It very well could be a pure character building experience, or a test of my faith in Him to build me up in a trial. In either case, I am certain that what bothered me and made me so fearful is that I know that this is His, and not mine. What happens here will be because Jennifer and I do things like file papers, etc… but, the actual events will be 100% the result of God’s will. We can file papers, like up boys for weeks to evaluate and petition time and time again… but if my Lord is not on board, I have accepted that it will not happen, and that’s what I want most of all. To experience only what He desires for me, my wife, my family as it is, and my family as it will become. You see, we are not so much adopting as giving ourselves to children that God has already adopted for Himself. How dare we assume that we should just take from Him that which we desire for ourselves? No. Instead, we are asking the Lord who we may serve in His place, in flesh, that He would be real to them in the physical. These are not our children, but His, and while we will receive a huge blessing… our real purpose is to serve Him. May it be so.

Anyway, there has been a fairly rough fight going on since the last time I wrote something. Since we only see the physical realm and tent to respond to it more than we do the spiritual realm, that’s where the devil likes to abide. When I left, all was well, moving along nicely, and we had tons of good wishes and support. We had a referral for a second child and Jennifer was on her way to see him and seek to know if we should be his parents. I was on my way back to attend the graduation of our oldest, Jessica, to work, and to prepare the home a bit more for the arrival of our new ones.

Once out of the country, things seemed to go well. My father was in from Missouri with his wife for the graduation, Jennifer was meeting the child we had a referral for, and it seems to have been continuing as it was before, but something was happening behind the scenes on both fronts. For Jennifer, she was about to be ambushed politically, emotionally, financially, and environmentally.

The local authorities, the chief and deputies of the region need to bless the adoption. The deputy had already, but not the chief. Instead of blessing it, he chose to call Jennifer in for questioning. Not just questioning, but he insulted our relationship and cast horrific accusations at her concerning us and our motives. This is more impactful since she is alone and does not have her hubby to jump in and help. She is having issues with the kids not being interested in spending time in games, bonding, learning English, or anything of such for long, but they have become accustom to being treated by visiting Americans and so it’s chips, soda, the market, etc. So, she has spent less time with them. Yeah, more alone time! This combined with having only enough to make it until I return has her a little bummed out I am certain.

On my side, I got home, tried to get slightly settled, got some rest and woke up at ten on Friday to be told my dad’s wife took ill and they left. So I was hurt. I later found that they did not leave and was happy, but she didn’t look well at all. We had pre-graduation dinner and later that night my dad called at 1:30AM to tell me they were going to the hospital and he was following an ambulance there. I had a house of kids and was still not recovered from my trip, so I asked him if he was alright being alone and he said yes. The next day I went there and found she was recovering from congestive heart failure and would be there for 3-4 days. That day, Jessica was graduating. Taylor didn’t know about Bella and found out after the ceremony and started to fall apart because she had dreamt something like this would happen and blamed herself for not stopping them.

Jessica graduated and left for camp with Taylor. I jumped into trying to manage the house, my work, get things ready for the kids when they get here, and take care of my father who truly needs it. He is hurt, frightened, and needs the security of him. He thinks he can get around notes and drawings, but detailed map quests are the only thing keeping him from ending up in the wrong city before he calls for help. Cecilia and Zachary are acting like they don’t know how to clean up their own messes and wonder why ‘the maid’ is not going to clean up after them. Zach has decided to leave chairs at every cabinet and leave them open because it’s too difficult to remember to put it away or close a door… it’s funny… take away tv, video games, and movies… they figure out how to do stuff again. Well, they messed up a few times in a major way, but grace is a great source of self control .

Okay, long story short: God is pounding Jen in a fire and building strength and increasing our bond to help her survive. She is getting some alone time that she needed, and the kids are learning that we are there for them… not for giving them stuff, even though they will receive.

I am learning of Gods faithfulness. He said that He will not give you more than you can bare… I do not think it’s temptation. I think it’s everything. I looked down the cooridore of time this week and said “I can’t make it Lord, help me!” He always just said “I have already provided for you” in my spirit, but nothing in the brain, mind, or body for the tasks at hand. I was tiered, fatigued, and there were 150% more tasks and requests than I could bear. I held to what I felt and would say, “if there is a way through this week Lord, it will be by you”. On Wednesday night the AC went out. It was still coming.

Friday, I did some work for Victor and blew off my work at the office, electing to take it with me instead… it has been killer hard, but I am here... tiered, the house is alright, and I am getting caught up on my work. God has my back, but He can only help me when I let Him. It’s all good.

Good news: Jens building strength, we are building new things in our relationship, the existing family is getting a stronger grip on their relationships and responsibilities, I am enjoying trust in very dark times, and my dads wife found several misdiagnosed medical conditions that she is getting help for now because she came.

The plots of the evil one are proving the Lord to be wiser and more able to seek victory. Now I need to break out of this coffee shop, get on a train, and sleep harder that I have in this entire adventure. See you tomorrow Elizabeth, and Matthew… I look forward to meeting you and receiving you as my son.

It’s good to be back! Viva La Beeze Gas (means carrying gas) guess you gotta come here to understand that.